3rd Immersion: Joy vs. Anger

Growing up I've had a hard time choosing Joy vs. being angry for what I went through.
Since going off to college my anger has lessened.
But for this past month it has been a real struggle again.


Few memories still linger
Some of the pain is still slowly detaching
and I HATE IT
But like a friend told me, time does heal


Amidst of all of that has happened, I was still finding myself being sucked into it.
Questioning and doubting God
Slowly I felt like I was being pulled into a tornado of anger.


An anger that made me cry, made me want to scream, and I keep having this urge to shoot something.
I wanted to physically destroy the indestructible
I want to jump out of this crappy immersion of turning anger into joy.
I felt tired and the easy thing for me to do is to get angry.


During one my devotions I came across this:
" Many of us have bought the lies of the enemy, allowing him to steal our joy. Discouragement, weariness, disillusionment, shattered dreams and unrealized goals are some of his favorite weapons, but the truth is that the enemy can only use what we allow him to use. 


It is time for us to reclaim surrendered ground. Do you sometimes think you are fighting the same old battles you have been fighting for years? I do. Clinging to familiar pain, we find our identity there. Consumed with our own agenda, joy is buried under a mountain of self.

Joy is not the result of outward circumstances. Joy is an inside job, a deeply rooted confidence that God is in control. Every trial or loss, every defeat or victory measured against this confidence can be counted as joy. 

We cannot avoid pain but we can avoid joy. The pursuit of joy is a matter of choice. Our inward perspective does not have to reflect our outward circumstances. We can choose joy!"

While I read this for the first time I think I just got more angry because it meant that being joyful, in my case, wasn't going to be something that would instantly be in my heart/mind. It's something that I have to work to have. 

So for about a week I FORCED myself to be joyful because if I wasn't consciously choosing to have joy, I was giving the enemy more to work with. I have been in caught in that tornado of anger that is made up of a false identity that the enemy wants me to believe I have. It occurs when I forget to place my confidence in Christ.

Finding joy through Christ when life sucks is an unpleasurable journey. I tend to find my own pleasures in life, a shortcut by getting out of the dirty river and finding my own solution for healing. But this time I'm pushing through. 

Lately my devotionals have been about anger. 

I'm learning that anger is an emotion that warns me when something is not right. 

I have been hurt, obviously, but I like being in this stage. 

It has given me the opportunity to express myself without the tight Christian boundaries that tell me to stay calm. 

It's been an excellent excuse to do whatever I want and say whatever I want. 

But lately it has been controlling me and not allowing God to speak to me. 

Anger is not a sin. But I want to be able to express it in a right way and let it be a tool for good.

Tips for learning how to control anger:

1. "Psalm 46:10 “Be still and know that I am God.”

If we are busy, it is much easier to ignore or refuse to face and deal with the real source of anger. Anger that is not dealt with in the right way accumulates over time, allowing bitterness to take root and rage to simmer just below the surface of everything we do, say, think or feel. In order to manage anger, we need to incorporate frequent and regular “stops” into our schedules; time set aside to simply be still and hear the voice of God."

My plan for this week is to take 5 min life break and set alone time to be still and listen to God and journal, draw, watercolor, or just sit there. 

I hope that God shows me the root(s) of my anger.

I hope to be free from them.

I hope to make it a routine to do life 5 min life break to improve my relationship with God and others. 

And I hope to choose joy